SeverusSnape




Tell us your experiences with the stories/RPGs posted in this board.


Please add in each message:

1. author story:
2. title of story: 
3. your opinion + arguments: 

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Name RPG: 
Favourite scene: 
Favourite character: 
Other comments:


May I remember each of you that this topic is NOT for correcting each others language!




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Vivica




Author: hp_marije666
title: Oh, mighty Marauders
my opinion: I like the story although you've to pay attention because of the time switches. I would like to read the next parts


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Poison Ivy




Author: HP_Marije666
Title: Oh, Mighty Marauders
Opinion: I think it's a great story, good storyline..
I can't wait till you post your next chapter  ^^

Both Sirius and James started to make painful faces, as a sign that they were thinking. Lily just stood there… watching the two of them. She didn’t want to interrupt them while they were ‘bizzy’. Well, they weren’t really bizzy, they were pretending to be. 

I don't know if you mean 'Busy' by 'Bizzy' but if you do, you spelled it wrong  :wink: don't take this wrong, i just wanted to help you 


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Fenix




Author:HP_Marije666 

Title of story:Oh, Mighty Marauders 

Opinion:I think it is a very good story beacause she lets the persons react
the way JK would, and its also realistic because this really could have happend.
I can't wait until you finished the next chapter.


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Creative




1. Pottermania
2. Hermione and the stone?
3.I think the idea is good, but the typing's not great. It's not easy to read when the centences aren't right. Maybe someone could check your spelling before you post? It's only an idea, I'm not saying my English writing is very good, but it's a tip :wink:  Good luck! 
Love
Creative


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Poison Ivy




Author: pottermania

Title: Hermione and the stone?

Opinion: Maybe you should find a beta-reader.
Like you said it yourself, your English isn't very good and the sentence structere isn't what it's supposed to be.


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Sallygoo




Author: pottermania 

Title: Hermione and the stone? 

Opinion: 
I agree with the people above. The idea of a diary isn't bad, but your english isn't good. I know you're only 12 and all, but the idea of letting someone check your story is a good one!


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Gast




Author: pottermania 

Title: Hermione and the stone?

Opinion:

The idea of writing a Diary, is quite good. 
But, like Sallygoo said, you could use a beta-reader.


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eVoLi




author : pottermania
title of the story : Hermoine and the stone 
opinion : the idea is quite original, and the events are original too, the words are better, but you can't find the grammar (verbs etc.) in the dictionnary. Someone has to explain the conjugation of the verbs, the use of different times etc.


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Asha




Author: Hp_Marije666
Title: Oh, Mighty Marauders
Opinio: I liked your story. Like Fenix said; The reactions of the charcters are very a like the original characters. I think your story is original and I have no problems to follow it up, despite the time switchings. I would like to read more of the Mighty Marauders.


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BeeGee Kenobi




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Title: A Marauders Story; Water
Opinion: I liked it very much...It's great to read a small story from an author who knows the characters by heart...Keep up the good work girl!! I love it!!
Your English is also very easy to read...very good!!!


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Poison Ivy




Author: DDEVIL
Title: Can't remember it anymore  :oops: 
Opinion: I don't wanna let you leave 
can't say I didn't let you breath 

That looks a bit like the song 'I don't wanna know' from Mario Winans, P.Diddy and Enya, you know the part when Diddy sings/raps
I think you ripped it..




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Prof. Albus Dumbledore




Author: hp_marije666 
title: Oh, mighty Marauders 
my opinion: I like the story, its realy good!


Could you edit your message and give your agruments please! gr. SS

I' dont now wy... that's my feeling.


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D-DEVIL




Author: DDEVIL
Title: Can't remember it anymore  :oops: 
Opinion: I don't wanna let you leave 
can't say I didn't let you breath 

That looks a bit like the song 'I don't wanna know' from Mario Winans, P.Diddy and Enya, you know the part when Diddy sings/raps
I think you ripped it..



yeah I removed it.....I heard it from somebody else so i thought i could use it....sow i removed it en made up my mind for another songtxt....and you see the results :P


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The Snitch




Author: hp_marije666 
Title: Oh, Mighty 
Opinion: I like your story! I hope there comes more! I like the way the characters act, the way they do. You must go on! And quick!


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Jet




Author: hp_marije666 
Title: Oh, Mighty

It's very, very exciting and it's not too difficult to read. Please, write the next chapter. ;) I can't wait.


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BeeGee Kenobi




Just asking..

But, can we also respond on original RPG storylines...some people really create really interesting storylines....

It would be great to react on those interesting lines..


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KNIKKEBEEN




Hp_Marije666 
Oh, mighty maurders

this is a totally funny story, I can't wait till the next chap!! please write futher!!


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Unni




Author: Mrs Idril Greenleaf
Title: The Pain of Loss

That was so beautiful. It's really sad, because you know it could happen... And now I hate Lucius Malfoy even more!
You wrote it very emotional and very realistic, keep it up! :)
Oh, it's so sad... *sniff*

@ SBG: Yeah, I think it's a good idea... Maybe you could ask it in Perkamentus' Kantoor (didn't know if I had to say it in English or not :?)


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Sage




Author: Mrs Idril Greenleaf
Title: The Pain of Loss

It's a very pretty little story, all reactions are neatly in character.

There's actually only one advice I'd like to give you; please mind the spelling check. It's a handy-dandyish device, made for all our comforts. It's read a lot easier for someone like me if there weren't so many spelling mistakes. They're like lumps in a road to many readers, so I'd advice you to crease them out.

Looking forward to more of your writing!


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BeeGee Kenobi




Author: Mrs Idril Greenleaf
Title: The Pain of Loss

I think it's a wonderfull story..you know the characters by heart..and your writingstyle is really easy to read....
I would love to read some more stories....And..(as I've promised you) I will try to draw a scene from this story..


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BeeGee Kenobi




(Because no one is posting...and I defenitly want the writer to see my comment..a double post..I'm sorry..)


Title: The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius' Miserable Life...
Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Comment: Yay..another story from someone who knows the characters by heart..I'm really looking forward to more!...*is very excited*


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Poison Ivy




Title: Ponderings of A Fresh Quibbler Reporter
Author: Sage
Comment: It's a great story. There are no spelling mistakes so it makes it really easy to read. And the storyline is really cool  :wink:  


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SeverusSnape




Title: Ponderings of A Fresh Quibbler Reporter 
Author: Sage 
Comments: Great story, very lively written. I like the story line and the way you present Remus. Keep it going! :)


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Sylvia




oh, mighty marauders
by hp_marije666

i think its a wonderfull storie! i love it, please write more! i'm so curious!


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Mrs Jessica Black




Author: HP_Marije666
Titel: Oh, Mighty Marauders

O.O It's brilliant! I love it! They are really in character and your way of writing it down is very easy to follow. I hope you will write the rest soon! I'm looking forward to it.

Love,
Black's Bitch


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arlena




Author :: HP_Marije666
Titel :: Oh, Mighty Marauders

I really love this fic !! It's a very original thought-up, which is hard to, for there're so many HP-Fanfics already. Keep up this good work !!:wink:


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Sage




Story: Oh, Mighty Marauders
Author: HP_Marije666

Comment: Very, very nice. Good, in character Marauder stories are a rarity on most of the larger fanfiction sites, but this is a gem on a smaller one.
I would like to advice you to get someone to bèta-read for you. A bèta-reader is someone who re-reads a story and makes certain the existing grammatical and spelling mistakes are removed. It appears you don't type the story in Word, or don't have a spelling check device in your version of said programme. It's really very much a pity that the mistakes are so eye-catching.
If you like, I could bèta for you. Really, for anyone who isn't too certain of their grammar and spelling in English. Just let me know, okay? ;)
I'm looking forward to reading more of your story.


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Mrs Jessica Black




Title: Ponderings of A Fresh Quibbler Reporter 
Author: Sage 

Comments: I like it. Asspecially the way you smoohly move from chapter to chapter, while Chapter 1 and 5 are so different from each other! Because of you English education, It does not surprice me, that your English is this good!
There was only thing that bothered me a bit.. Remus getting drunk.  That's nothing for him. He would never do that.  But the rest of the story is really enjoyable to read.

Love,
Black's Bitch


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Malou




Title: The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius' Miserable Life...
Author: Mrs Jessica Black

I've read the whole story already (muwhaha), since me and my Word are the beta-readers.
I think it's a very funny story. The characters are very neatly in character (I wanted to hug Remus for not reminding me of David and I actually liked Sirius for being so Sirius). The plot is also very hilarious, so I must insist you all to keep reading.


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Mrs Jessica Black




I would like you all to know that  the story I wrote, The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius' Miserable Life In Number 12 Grimmauld Place, to be more precicely, hadn't even excisted, if it wasn't for a nice drawing Mrs Malou Riddle drawed in my dummy a while ago. So, Malou, I would like to thank you for being one of my greatest inspiration sorces and friend and being my BETA-reader!


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Sage




Story: The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius' Miserable Life In Nuber 12 Grimmauld Place (Bless the copy/paste buttons...)
Author: Mrs Jessica Black

Comment: I've had the priviledge of a private reading. Not something that happens all the time! Hem.
Anyway. I really like the story. It's witty, fast paced and very in character. I specially liked the scene in which Sirius starts a pillowfight. Ah, the good old Maraudery days.
I hope to read more stories like this one!

@MJB: Don't worry about Lupin and alcohol. He hardly ever drinks anything alcoholic, which is why he was so utterly pissed. He's learned his lesson, as you'll learn when reading Part Seven. ^^


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BeeGee Kenobi




Title: The Daily Returning Annoyances of Sirius' Miserable Life in Number 12 Grimmaud Place
Author: Mrs Jessica Black

Comment: Waah it's really great to read this story...I love the first scene..with the conversation between Molly and Sirius...they're both so in character..really cool!! Your English is very good..and I can read it very easily...I can't wait to read more!


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Sylvia




i'm sorry that i'm posting this here, but i didn't know were else.
i think it's verry difficult to see or a topic here is a fanfic or a rpg, but that could be just me. i appologise if this post is no good.

~silly~


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Idril




Maybe, but if you look a bit better, you'll see it! RPG's usually have more pages than fanfics. Besides, most members know if it's a Fanfic or an RPG. Or you just need to read something in it.

We can't split it anyway, because there are to few topics. So we won't change anything...


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Sylvia




i'm sorry that i'm posting this here, but i didn't know were else.
i think it's verry difficult to see or a topic here is a fanfic or a rpg, but that could be just me. i appologise if this post is no good.

~silly~
Maybe, but if you look a bit better, you'll see it! RPG's usually have more pages than fanfics. Besides, most members know if it's a Fanfic or an RPG. Or you just need to read something in it. 

We can't split it anyway, because there are to few topics. So we won't change anything...
oh, i see. thank you! i will look closer from now :oops: . by the way, i'm really sorry abaut this post too, maybe it's better if both my posts are closed... thanks verry much, again! 
x- silly :wink:


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Asha




Title: Attracted to the Magnet

Author: Sage

Comment: I like the story a lot. Although the Remus as you present him is quite different than the one I create in my mind. I also had to get used to the swearing of Mr. Lovegood and Kingsley, but I liked it a lot in the end. You make the characters of Rowling really yours. You've your own style with funny 'additions' - don't know how to say it in other words- sometimes. (sometimes additions, not sometimes funny, because they are always funny ^^) I mean things like ....as I entered -the office, not Mr Lovegood-,...The story has been written thrilling. I look forward to the next chapter. I'm certainly going to follow your topic! 


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arlena




Title: Attracted to the Magnet

Author: Sage

Comment: I absolutely love this story. I like the way you describe the characters, for It's fascinating to read. 
So, the only thing I can say :: keep up this fantastic work !!


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Mrs Jessica Black




Titel: James' Diary

Author: Witch darknnes

Comment: It's written a bit messy, but the part where James writes about his future plans.. about having a boy and a girl... teaching the boy how to play Quidditch and marrying the girl to one of Sirius' kids... that part really touched me... The fact that he had no idea what would happen to them...
He would have thought he started his future dream perfectly by marrying Lily and having Harry... but the second child never came because of Voldemort... It's a very emotional thing and I have to let you know that ik really touched me.


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Jalf




The daily returning annoyances of Sirius’ miserable life in number 12 Grimmauld Place
By MJB

Great story, totally IC. The end is very funny and it really amusesed me... It's easy to understand... There's only  1 tiny mistake... I'm going to write that in Dutch cause I have no clue how to write it in English...

Als je vlam in de pan hebt, moet je nooit, maar dat ook nooit, water over de pan gooien... dan krijg je namelijk een enorme steekvlam... je moet een natte doek erover heen gooien. Maarre... dat foutje is je vergeven, want het is echt een superleuk verhaal ;)


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Mrs Jessica Black




 There's only  1 tiny mistake... I'm going to write that in Dutch cause I have no clue how to write it in English...

Als je vlam in de pan hebt, moet je nooit, maar dat ook nooit, water over de pan gooien... dan krijg je namelijk een enorme steekvlam... je moet een natte doek erover heen gooien. Maarre... dat foutje is je vergeven, want het is echt een superleuk verhaalf ;)

WHAHAHAHA! I don't think that Sirius would think: "Gee, I think I use a wet towel instead of brainlessly throw a cup of water over it" on such a moment. He's way too impulsive and irrisponsible for such a thing... The fact that he does brainlessly throw a cup of water in the pan, is something that keeps him IC, but the fact that the fire died in tht situation, is indeed a mistake. Thank you and next time I'll think about his actions twice... Maybe I could even add a change in the story... I think I'll do that! Thank you!

@All the other comments: Thank you! ^^
There's another story coming, though I have no certain release date yet.


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Sambora




hermione and the stone?
pottermania
i think its a good story... its hardly ever written in a way like that... its a diary... very unussual.  keep up the good work...!


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BeeGee Kenobi




Title: The Daily Returning Annoyances of Sirius' Miserable Life in Number 12 Grimmaud Place 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 


OMG..I have never read a more funny fan fiction..It's great! You really know the characters..and I think that's a really rare gift..

I really loved the part of Arthur *hugs Arthur*...Amazing how you just combine the characters..and create such a funny story..

Aaah I can't stop telling you how funny it is..
Oh..one question:....are you going to write a new one...*puss in boots eyes*...

I've printed this one a week ago..and I think I'm going to put it in my diary....Thanks so much for this lovely story!! *hugs*


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Mrs Jessica Black




Heel erg bedankt voor jullie positieve reacties op "The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius' Miserable Life In Number 12 Grimmauld Place"!

Esspecially you, SBG! I didn't know I could get such an enthusiastic responce out an own written story... And yes, I am planning on writing a new one, which will be different from this one. It will be in the 'Marauder's' schooldays. It will contain: Sirius(ofcourse), James, Remus, Peter, Mr and Mrs Potter(parents of James), Mrs Black(Sirius' mother ofcourse) and... Regulus, which will be very difficult, but I'll do my best to crowl into his skin too, to make him as IC as possible...
It will be about the time Sirius decides to go and live at James's...

It'll take a while, for it costs a lot of 'character' study and age-additudes study... but it's on it's way.  This one will be less humoristic, though, but the 'Marauder' times are full of joy and laughter, so it will contain some joy and laughter anyway.


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eVoLi




Name RPG: Hogwarts RPG
Favourite scene: Fred, George, Angelina, Alicia (the whole fifth year actually) stuck in a locked classroom. Pillowfight,  and  treacherous brothers !  :P 
Favourite character: My partner in crime and other theatrical stuff, Fred ! And Hysterical Alica ! 
Other comments: There aren't that much people playing very active, but those who do, are great ! 
I thought it would be quite a mess, with all that characters...but actually, only the fifth-years are active ! So it isn't a problem for the moment  :) 
It begun quite dull and boring, but now it's fun ! 


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Unni




Name RPG: Hogwarts RPG
Favourite scene: The whole fifth year locked up in the Spells classroom. And off course the little thingy that happened with Mrs Norris (a)
Favourite character: My dear brother George of course, he's always in for a nice prank or two :P
Others comments: The RPG is indeed quite empty, but I don't really mind, actually... We're having fun :)
I think eVoLi plays her part espacially well, very much IC and realistic... Go eVoLi! :P
But it's a bit of a pity no one else plays anymore...


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Misz-Draco-Tom




author story: Arlena
title of story: Ginny's Faith 
your opinion + arguments: 
I think it's a great story!
What I really like is that you also wrote Ginny's Diary...
And that Luna is in the story (a)
I look forward to the next chapter!!


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Lumina




author story: Mary-jane griffoendor
title of story: I still remember
your opinion + arguments: I loved it!  
Normally I’m not into drama at al, but this story. Was beautiful. You wrote it with, a almost poetic feeling. I realised that this was al there was to tell, But I must say, what a tale it was.     :cry:  :cry:


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Misz-Draco-Tom




author story: Jessica Black
title of story: The Daily Returning Annoyances Of Sirius&#8217; Miserable Life In Number 12 Grimmauld Place 
your opinion + arguments: 
Woow...
This story is so IC!!
Like others said before, you really know the characters by heart.
When Molly command Sirius to cook and blame him when everything was messed up, I really wanted to kick her.. :evil: 
And the last part is really funny ^^
*applause*


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Loezzy




Name RPG: Hogwarts RPG 
Favourite scene: The scenes with mrs. Norris  :twisted: 
Favourite character: The twinbrothers Fred/George of course!
eVoLi and Unni are playing them really good :D:D
BUT: why isn't anyone posting (?) anymore???????


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Catie




Author story: Hp_Marije
Title of story: A Muggle Camping Trip
Your opinion + arguments: It's a fine and funny story and the persons have the right personality. every piece isn't much but it is funny. Maybe the next time something more so we can read more and don't let us wait for the next piece. So Go one quickly!


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Meredith




Author Story: Hp_Marije
Title Of the Story: A Muggle Camping trip
Your Opinion + Arguments:
I Think the story is really Good...
It Took me a Long time to read it (thats because of myself)
Most of the time you don't find storys of Trips in the Muggle World...That's what make it so fun to read it.
I'm really looking forward to the next Chapter!

Meredith


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Sylvia




title: oh, mighty marauders
author: HP_marije
i think it's a geneous story! please writhe more (we want more, we want more! :) ) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D


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hi its me!




title: oh, mighty marauders
author: HP_marije 
when is there finally coming a new chapter about the marauders! I am very curious to the rest of the story, so please, start writing new pieces very soon!  :P


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Lumina




Author story: Emma_
Title of story: Whatever starts, someday ends
Your opinion + arguments:
Whatever starts, someday ends
I really like it!!! It’s very funny and i liked to read it. 
I like that it’s about a girl not jet introduced by jk rowling and that it plays in the early day’s:
Wen the sun still shined, butterfly’s still flew and lilly and james potter still had separate last names!  The thing I probably like best is that it’s not another boring lilly and james romance, we live the story like emma does and we can laugh instead of getting sick of the thick layers of love..
Love is present but not too much! I like it :P so people start reading, and for all you romantic souls out there I think (i’m sure) there is more then enough material for you to doze of in this story 


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Lady_Granger




Author: Charl0tte
Title: Hermione's Diary
My opinon:

You've written a very good story.
It's fun to read.
The characters are really good.
Ron is just as in the books :D 
He's my favorite character is your story.
There's nothing I really miss in your story.
Maybe a little excitement.
But I think it will come!
Well written! :P 




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Faiths Love




Name of the Story; Hermiones Diary
Writer; Charl0tte
Review; This is such a good story. It is so easy to read, it look just like the Harry Potter books. You have a good feeling of writing and I hope you will go on with your story, because its the best story that I have ever read!


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Pottergirl




Name of the story: From Hermione with love
Name of the author: Faiths Love
Review: It's not much but I like it. You write in a very nice way, it's easy to read but not to easy. Go on like this ^^ I will read the upcoming chapters certainly and I guess I will do it with pleasure. Keep up the good work!


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Faiths Love




Name of the story; The Marauders - The Beginning
Name of the author; Pottergirl
Review; It's such a good story. As I've already told you, it looks a bit like the first book of HP, but 'cause there isn't that much information about the Marauders in their first year, I don't blame you. ^^ I hope you go on like this because it's very good and easy to read :)


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Fleur Delacour




Name of the Story: The Maurauders - The Beginning
Name of the Author: Pottergirl
Refiew: I like your story, 'cause it good, and, indeed, easy to read (but you're using lots of enters, and that's a little annoying to read, but nevermind..). And, as Faiths Love said above me, it looks a bit like book 1. 

Oke.. Dit was dus mn 1e comment in het Engels.. Verbeter me alsjeblieft (!!) als mn Engels niet klopt. Ik twijfelde nog een beetje over dat 'little annoying', 'k weet niet of dat wel helemaal goed is. Maar jah, PB me maar wanneer iets niet klopt, hoor!


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Misz-Draco-Tom




Name of the Story: It's all in the family
Name of the Author: Jalf Lupin
Review: 
Woow Lalf , I like it ^^
Sier and Cis are exactly how they always are.
And this part .....
He looked at his cousin from top to bottom. Halfway he noticed her tummy, which was a lot bigger then the last time he&#8217;d seen her. 
&#8220;You&#8217;re pregnant&#8230;&#8221; 
....I like the most ^^
Draco ( 8 )
Here and there are some little tiny mistakes, but I don't care about them..
Well done!!!

Tata ^^


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Sage




Title: A Marauder Story; My Real Family
Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Review: Well! I've been waiting for this for some time now, but I'd say it was well worth it.
The characters are all quite 3D and IC (lovely way of saying it, no?), and interact in a normal wizarding way. As far as we can call that normal, naturally ;)
There are, though, quite a few language mistakes, and it's a pity you haven't let anyone beta-read it for you. I don't think many of the readers here would notice, but some (like me) do, and that's a pity. Perhaps an idea for the next chapter?

MMM: As you can read in the first post, this topic is not to correct each other to their language mistakes :wink: 

And I wasn't correcting any mistakes. I was just saying that the story would be far more enjoyable for people like me, when the mistakes are taken out. If I'd wanted to correct the mistakes here, I'd have listed them, don't you think?


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Gast




Title: A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 
Review: Yay :) At last you posted it! I really liked it. I don't know much about how Regulus would have reacted etc, so I can't say much about that. But Sirius was very IC, I really liked to read it. 

Title: It’s all in the family
Author: Jalf Lupin
Revieuw: Yay! Another Jalf-story! I really liked reading it! All the characters were very IC, especially Cis.
I really like the plot, it's very original. I've never read a fic like this one. Bravo! 


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Catie




Ttile: A Marauders Story; My Real Family
Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Review:
I like the story very much.. Like Marije said, Sirius is really so IC. You're writing very good and the part that Sirius is talking with Regulus is very good. I was seeing it all in front of me and that is very good. 
I hope there is coming more soon ^^


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Jalf




 A Marauder Story; My Real Family
by MJB
Ik vind het tot nu toe een heel mooi verhaal. Sirius is heel erg IC en heel duidelijk beschreven. Regulus is best wel zo'n ventje dat heel graag zijn best wilt doen om bij zijn papa en mama in een goed blaadje te staan, en dat maakt hem stiekum best wel schattig. ^^

Ga zo door!

1974 - A Marauders Story
By Blije
Tsja, ik ken het plot natuurlijk al vrij goed als Snape en Narcissa zijnde, dus eigenijk kan ik maar weinig vertellen over het plot. Dus ik ga het hebben over het feit dat je zo goed de onbekende dingen zoals haarkleur/oogkleur/karakter eigenschappen van de bijpersonages. 

Ook jij, ga zo door! ^^


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Mrs Jessica Black




Name of the Story: It's all in the family 
Name of the Author: Jalf Lupin 
Review: Heerlijk. I got the honour to read it last week, to check if Sirius was IC. Well, Jalf, you did a great job.
It's short, but extremely original and fun to read! 
I'd love to see more stories come out of your pen. You've got the hang of it. Just an bit of inspiration, and voila! Jalf, our sweet autor. ^^

I love the pragnancy part. It's hilarious! 'Shagging around'... It's brilliant! 
Good work, dearest!


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Luna Lovegood




Title: A Marauders Story; My Real Family 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black

Opinion:
I really like the style in which you write. Most book I read really bore me to death... just because they are written so utterly dreadful. Your story, however, reads really nice. It's like DVC, I like reading that story as well. And on the other hand, books by John Grisham are braincellkillers.
The only thing that is a bit off in your Fic is that with these new main characters, the story has gotten a totally new genre, comparing it to the HP books. It's more like a drama with loads of 'fun' scenes. This makes the story just a bit too long. Yet still nice to read ^^
Keep it up, your writing is getting better with every Fic.

LL --> LauL


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Darren




1. author story: Jalf Lupin
2. title of story: It's all in the family
3. your opinion + arguments: I find it a complete funny tale also it a lot have been nicely written * sway with flags * write rapidly further!



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Luna Lovegood




Title: A Marauders Story; My Real Family 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 

Opinion of chapter 6: 
I like the way I can read it... it's fast, and not as short as any of the other chapters. SO you don't run out of story within 2 minutes ::D
furthermore, I have been told that it's still the non-betaread version, so the few tiny errors I spotted are nothing ^^
Don't let her change TOO muchm though!

greets, LL


-----------------------------------


Jalf




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
by MJB

Hoofdstuk 6
Dit hoofdstuk is best wel intrigerend. Zo'n gevecht lijkt me niet gemakkelijk te schrijven, Maar je hebt het zeker heel erg goed gedaan :D Het is een cliffhanger, dus je hebt mij in ieder geval heel erg nieuwsgierig gemaakt. Ohjah: Ook de humor aan het begin over James en de 10 meisjes, is erg grappig :)

Ga zo door.

(Ik review in het nederlands, want als ik in het Engels review, kom ik niet echt ver dan: "I really like it". En dat zou immers spam zijn)


-----------------------------------


Misz-Draco-Tom




A Marauders Story; My Real Family - Maan

Ook ik doe mijn review even in het Nederlands, omdat ik het in het Nederlands pakkender kan zeggen  :wink: 

Jessica, jij hebt echt een groot talent, niet alleen het schrijven van leuke, amuseerende verhalen gaat je goed af, ook ken je de karakters zooo goed, dat je zelfs denk ik (onze grote Heldin) J.K Rowling verstelt laat staan. 
Sirius is natuurlijk jou sterke punt in alle verhalen, je kent hem zo goed, hij zit in je hart, en je weet precies hoe hij gaat reageren op wat dan ook, wie dan ook, hoe dan ook!
Maar Sier is echt niet de enige, ook de rest is gewoon een deel van jou leven, jij weet hoe zij zijn, hoe ze gereageren, hoe ze doen, in welke situatie dan ook.
Het enige wat ik daarover heb te zeggen is dat ik het heel knap van je vind, en dat je dit nooit moet laten vallen!


-----------------------------------


Gast




And again:

A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By MJB 

Laat ik ook maar in het NL gaan reviewen:

Het laatste hoofdstuk is echt geweldig. Ik moest zelf ook even een traantje wegpinken. Het is heel erg goed geschreven, en de humor is ook heel goed. Het is ook heel erg makkelijk leesbaar en dat is een groot pluspunt. Bij sommige verhalen kan ik er gewoon niet doorheen komen en dat is bij dit verhaal dus echt niet zo. 
Ik ben ook blij dat dit hoofdstuk wat langer is, meer leesplezier :D


-----------------------------------


SeverusSnape




Only in English please! You girls wanted some place to write and read English and now you're abusing it. If you can't say anything sensible in English, either use a dictionary or send a private message in Dutch to the author who wrote the FF.

Please be aware of the fact that it is no crime to have errors in your texts. We're all here to learn! Just try to make the best of it!


-----------------------------------


Sage




Story Title: AMS: My Real Family
Author: Mrs Doggypooch
Review: Hah. I was allowed a beta read. I feel properly honoured.

Ahem. In any case, as I was saying...

~::Chapter The Sixth::~ (Hah, try saying that without spraying your neighbour!)
Ahh, the tension rises, peaks, falls back down again! Oh, more more, please. The story manages to go from a trot into a fast pace, this time. Well done. Looking forward to the next installment!


-----------------------------------


Jalf




@SaS: There's a difference between having Dyslexia and just being too lazy to type in English. But okay... I'll try...

A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB

Chapter 7

I just couldn't stop reading, until the end of the chapter. It was really beautifull, I almost cried at a few moments. You're English is pretty easy to read, dear Maan, and that's a good thing. 

Keep on the good work, luv! ^^ 



SaS: And still, people with Dyslexia can try to write English, whether they make errors or not. Of course we’re aware that some people 


-----------------------------------


Catie




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By MJB

I really love your story. Your english is good and the chapters are always exciting. the way your writing is good. Normal I see that people are not writing very good and not in a good style, but you are writing not like them ^^ I hope there is more soon ^^


-----------------------------------


Jalf




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB 

Chapter 8

I really like this chapter, it's beautifull. Not just "Beautifull" like the other chapters, but REALLY beautifull. You already read me this story the weekend I was at your place and I told you I really liked it. Well, I like it even more then just "liking" it.

Keep up the amazingly good work! ^^


-----------------------------------


Luna Lovegood




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB 

Chapter 7 and 8

I'd have to say that they're a brilliant aftermath to chapter 6... very compelling. The only remark I've got is that I can see who wrote it, namely you, ofcourse. I can see your way of thinking through these 2 chapters. it doesn't compromise the story, but I noticed it ^^

greets, Plalaul


-----------------------------------


Catie




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By MJB

Chapter 8

Really this chapter is wonderfull. It's so good and beautiful. I really like it. It's just to beautiful for words. I really don't know what I must say about it anymore, exceot it is wonderfull. Keep up the Good Work ^^


-----------------------------------


Miffy





author: Marjolein
title: Lingering on...

I think this is a really good story so far. I could recommend it to everyone
I enjoyed reading it.  :)  I really want to know how the story will develop.
so, keep writing !!!!!!


-----------------------------------


Harry, Ron &amp; Hermione






Title: Lingering on...
Author: Marjolein

Reaction: I really like this story in other words I love this story, ^_^! It's very well written and it's not difficult to understand but yet the story is set up nice. So keep it going Marjolein, your last post with the new sorting song is very good and funny to read so keep it going like this, I'm really fond of your story!!
------------------------------------------------------
Title: A Marauders story: year one
Author: Pottergirl

Reaction: I also like this story because first it's going about the Marauders, so that's definitely a very big plus and it's also very well written, I am waiting on a new post and I am looking forward to it, so keep it going! 

These two fanfic I can really recommend to others if you like a story about the Marauders or a very well written story about Harry, in other words I'm kind of obsesded  about these two fanfic's!!! hehehehe :oops:, :P


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT:

Title: It's all in the family
Author: Jalf 
Reaction: When I red that the story was for 12 years and older, well I'm 18 this year so, I was curious about it and I started to read it. By the first words I red of it I already had grinned. This story is realastic about the reactions that the relatives of the family Black maded to eachother and I was laughing at once. The whole story is very realastic about the reaction of Sirius Black against the reaction of Narcissa Malfoy-Black for example. I really want to red more about this cause it's so humoristic and at the same time very realastic. I know it's not very gentle written but with very nasty words, but if you can handle these words you've got to read this one, really, I'm laughing about the story and the reactions of the characters and in my opinion it's a very good story! So Jalf, please post more so I can read more, please???? :P

Thank you!




-----------------------------------


Imaginary




AMS; My Real Family
By Mrs. Jessica Black.

I really like this story... It's nice to read, and there aren't any boring moments (for me, that is)... When I read the first chapter, I wanted to read the next chapters too, immediately. I like the style in which you write, and I hope there are a lot of chapters coming up for us  :wink: 
Please go on like this, it's really a brilliant story. You're really good at it.


-----------------------------------


Creative




 My turn, my turn! *Pushes people away to get trough*
Author: Jalf Lupin
Title of Story: It's all in the Family
My Opinion: I read the revieuws people wrote here, and I actually got curious.
I'm not such a Fanfic reader, but this one I read, and I loved reading it too.
The way you write is really interesting, and kind of funny.
The way the story is build, piece by piece is great, you show the idea behind your story, and the words in an understanding way.
In one word: Great!




-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
by MJB

OMG.... very well written, especially that last chapter. How thougtfull of Sirius to look at it that way, he truely is a very good friend. 

Ik liked it very much, ofcourse it's nog perfect... I don't think JK is perfect either, but hey... she's got people to read it for her before she publishes her peaces. Go girl!

MMMissy


-----------------------------------


Joep




1. author story: MJB
2. title of story: My Poetry
3. your opinion + arguments: It's a good poetry.. Cool and funny!! He is good!!

OOC: I can't good english.. I hope this is good!!


-----------------------------------


Paddy




 Luna Lovegood's point of view

By Ginny_Evans

Great start, hopefully you'll continue quickly... You can imagine Luna's world truthfully, but don't copy everything from the book,  unless 'course that was just a start and next chapter'll be better (and with better, I mean, something new, that, we haven't read in the books, BUT that suits with the story-line of JK)
Maybe Luna revealing her love for ...?

Grtz Paddy


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
by MJB

OMG.... very well written, especially that last chapter. How thougtfull of Sirius to look at it that way, he truely is a very good friend. 

Ik liked it very much, ofcourse it's nog perfect... I don't think JK is perfect either, but hey... she's got people to read it for her before she publishes her peaces. Go girl!

MMMissy

Read the last chapter..... I wish it was longer, such a shame we have to wait for chapter 10 already again *sob*


-----------------------------------


Jalf




 A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB 

Chapter 9

Hahahaha ^^ This chapter was really, really funny! ^^ It's a big difference to the Previous "sad" chapters. That's a good thing you know, it adds some humor to the story, otherwise it whould make the story all depressing and stuff.
The best parts were Peter bringing his parents (I'm not sure if you told me before about that, but anypoo, it's so IC) and the secret of Sirius staying so thin (I like little pervish jokes (A))

Keep on the good work, dear! ^^


-----------------------------------


Imaginary




AMS; My Real Family 
By Mrs. Jessica Black.

The last chapter is amazing ^^ It made me laugh several times... Especially the part with Peter, who brought his parents. 
It's nice reading a chapter like this after the sad part of Sirius and his parents. It keeps the story in, like, balance or something ^^
Can't wait 'till the next chapter. 


-----------------------------------


Luna Lovegood




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by Mrs Jessica Black

well I must say your writing is improving, Jesses. The english is REALLY good, and the story just played itself in front of my eyes. That was really nice. Only the best books have that :O
keep it up, Moony.

Pla.


-----------------------------------


Catie




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By Mrs Jessica Black

Really, I love this story.  The english is really good and the characters are so IC. Part 8 was very funny, especially the part with Peter and his parents. Of part 9 the last part is very good.
I'm waiting on more ^^


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By Mrs Jessica Black

OMG.... why did you stop, you've mentiond before that you like cliff-hangers but this is pure torture! Loved your last chapter, keep up the really good work *thumbs up*

MMMissy


-----------------------------------


Canis Maior




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black 

At first I'd like to say that I enjoyed reading your 'My real family' fic. Your English is really good for a dutchy (just as I am), which makes the whole thing way more enjoyable to read. Furthermore, you've got a very personate style. You give such a precise description of everything that happends and, even more important, of the character. You give me the feeling you just know these people, and especially Sirius, like the back of your hand. I admire that. 

But what I actually wanted to say is this. One part in your fic really touched me. I'm driving at chapter eight. Your own words at the beginning were something like (forgive me if I'm wrong) 'the way Sirius looks at 'certain things' really helped me out'. You were so true. I've had, and I still have, some difficult periods in my live and somehow I got attached to fiction and certain fictive charkaters along the way. For example Remus. He could be my brother if you know what I mean. And also Serius is important to me. Why, I'm not sure, his personality just appeals to me for some reason. (Okay you must think I'm a complete freak right now, but I'm not, I swear ). Certain words in chapter eight brought tears in my eyes and gave me a very strange -happy-and-sad-at=the-same-time feeling I'm still suffering from now. They really did something to me, and I want to thank you for them. so. Thanks.


-----------------------------------


Luna Lovegood




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black 

It's up to your usual standard (R) very much like the other chapters too. I do wonder however if the last couple of chapters are going to add some new elements into the story. I'd like that.
keep it up Moony

Pla


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By Mrs Jessica Black

I think your story is getting character now. It's just sad that I finish the chapters so fast, but fortunatly now the chapters apear shortly after each other so I don't have to wait that long. I'd like to read that Sirius-got-his-chicken scene some time, if you ever get the chance of writing it!

MMMissy


-----------------------------------


Jalf




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB

Chapter 10 and 11

It's nice to read something about the happy days of Sirius. I really enjoyed the humor of the boys and both the chapters where easy and fun to read.
I really enjoyed the part where Sirius, Remus and James talk about the summer. It was rather thouching and I'd really adore Remus. He's so IC and such a sweetheart. ^^

Keep on the good work, I know you can do it. (y)


-----------------------------------


Luna Lovegood




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black

Chapter eleven:

I think it's a bit better than ten. I dunno why exactly, but I just it is. It still is very much in line with the rest of the story, which is really good. I now know that the story is just about scenes like chapter ten and eleven, and for a story about as little as the good parts in someones life... it is quite easy to read. I'm weasily motivated to read the rest, even though I know all I will read is happy memories. It's really good that stories like this also get written, because usually it's drama and/or heroics.

So in short, I like. 

Pla.


-----------------------------------


Catie




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By Mrs Jessica Black

I'm a little bit late I believe ^^'' 
Chapter eleven is very good ^^ It was funny to read how curious James was and how Peter didn't want to tell it. And Remus who knows things that James didn't knew. Wonderfull ^^
The piece that Remus is telling that he knows the truth about the arm of Sirius was really beautifull. I don't know why, but something said me that it was beautifull and I tottally agree with that voice ^^ 
And that chicken? Very good and funny ^^ Chickens are sweet ^^

Keep up te Good Work! ^^


-----------------------------------


Luna Lovegood




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black 

Chapter 12

it's ok. I thought the Quidditch in the yard thing was a bit  predictable, but what came after that was a nice bit of personal 'information'. I liked reading it, it was alot better than class :D
My only point of critisism is that there could be some more twists and turns, but that's up to you ^^

Pla


-----------------------------------


Jalf




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB 

Chapter 12

Nice work, indeed. You wrote a really good piece again. I really liked the part about Remus climbing the tree and messing up Sirius' hair. ^^ I also like the part were they use Peter as a stick, that was really funny. Well done. :)


-----------------------------------


Canis Maior




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black 

Chapter 12

Yay^^ I love MaraudersHumor and I still love the way you ''invent'' their jokes everytime without repetition (you keep suprising me). Remus climbing in that tree left me giggling madly, and stick-peter made me snort into my yoghurt^^ As Luna Lovegood said already, there could be some more twists and turns, but on the other hand I do not mind reading about their daily life. 
You did a great job. again.


-----------------------------------


Misz-Draco-Tom




Jalf: Just not telling the truth... (met 3 puntjes ;))

Nice story!
I really like reading stories who are written by people who know the characters where they write about by heart.
You really know Remus..
I also like the part : 'I'm not lying, I'm just not telling the truth'
That's a very nice sentence, especially because you're going to think about it...and I always like things in stories/poems where you have to think about..Well done Palfje!


-----------------------------------


Canis Maior




Jalf, 'Just not telling the truth'

I just red your story. I have to say that it's a little bit of a pitty that you didn't check the text good enough (there are some words missing, especially in the beginning) but I guess that's not the thing to say in this forum. I like the way you described the situation in witch Remus is, and I like the different perspectives in the story. It makes it more vivid. Poor Remus. Not lying, just not telling the truth. I want to hug him. 
Anyway, I liked it, and my only hint is to check your spelling and the sentences and stuff before you post a story, because the missing words and all makes it a little bit harder to read.


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family (chapter 12)
By Mrs Jessica Black

I liked the funny scenes, your getting better at that. I'm sorry for reading it so late after you wrote this but I hope you understand! 

I hope that you keep up like this, besides the point that your storie is the only one I really read and enjoy. I find that you really learn from everything with every chapter!

MMMissy


-----------------------------------


Nine




Author: Jalf
Title: Just not telling the truth...
Review: Very interesting story. I never considered that Remus's friends would think that he was abused at home or that he had selfharm problems (in the non werewolf sense of the word that is). I would love to see a follow up of this story exploring how he finally confronts his friends with the truth.

I like your style of writing, you manage to strike exactly the right notes to give this story a darkish atmosphere. I could see Sirius badgering Remus about the cuts and bruises. All in all a very nice flopsy!

Nine


-----------------------------------


Pottergirl




A Marauder Snippets by Nine.

I almost got tears in my eyes reading your last post. You write in a very emotional way, very beautiful and understandable. Lupin and Harry have such beautiful conversations and it all fits. I liked that you put in the photographs, very original. And I like the fact that you write only small pieces. I hope you continue soon, because I really like to read your little snippets ^^ Good job!


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family (chapter 13)
By Mrs Jessica Black

I really liked this chapter because I can really see them saying and doing the thing they do in the storie, and such great details you have put in it!


MMMissy


-----------------------------------


Catie




A Marauder Story; My Real Family
By Mrs Jessica Black

I'm late again.... ^^''
Chapter twelve was good, I really liked this ^^ This story is the only english story i'm reading, it's just funny to read ^^ And all the names they have are funny, like paddypoo and all those other names. And the part that Remus is umping out of the tree on Sirius is really good ^^

In chapter Thirteen I liked the part with that little girl, Jessy. It was funny to read how the boys didn't understand her. The part that Sirius and Remus are talking is great to read. I just don't know what I must say about it, it was just great ;D


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione





Title: Just not telling the truth
Writer: Jalf Lupin

Yeah, I liked this one! I also really like Lupin (as you can see in my own fanfiction  :) ) , and I was happy to read one about him.
I think it is quite right what you were writing about his feelings about being a werewolf and hiding it for other people. I must have been really terrible for him...

Oh, and I really like your writingstyle. I don't know, but I think it is some kind of... sincerely, or something. I comes from the heart, I suppose... (oh that sounds romantic, haha...)

Well, I loved it. Keep writing!

-----------------------

Title: A Marauder's Story: Water
Writer: Mrs. Jessica Black

I'ts a bit of a strange story, I thought, when I read it.
You don't know what happened before, there is lack of information.
But on some way, I liked it. It was funny, because that ''water thing'' is 
really ''James & Sirius''... So, it was something different, but something good!

-----------------------

Title: Marauder's Snippets
Writer: Nine

Oh, you write very JKR'like, it's amazing! The first 2 story's were funny, and the last ones emotional and gracious. That framed picture is a very good and originally part. Liked it!


-----------------------------------


Malou




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare
Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Haha, it's awesome! :D I like the fact that it starts so dramatically and ends so incredibly silly :D  What more can I say... it's a good crossover (funny crossovers are always good crossovers), and the writing is easy to follow and good. 


-----------------------------------


Missy




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 

Very good story and excellent written, good job done I must say!

The characters are very well discribed, so I instantly knew wich character was ment when discribed. Feelings of Sirius were also very well put in to this short and amusing story.


-----------------------------------


Sage




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 

Hahahahaha! That was a good one! I needed that! Brilliant, well done! Your English is certainly improving! And the "NOOOOOOO!"-bit was very Darth Vader! :D 


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Mrs. Idril Greenleaf
Title: The pain of a loss

Ah, this is a sad story!  :cry: Allthough pretty original, because Charlie isn't a very important character, in most of the fanfictions.

Are you going to write further?
I hope you will, you're a good writer...


-----------------------------------


BeeGee Kenobi




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 

OMG...this was one of the best funny HP fanfics I've ever read! I totally LOVE the HP/SW crossover...Sirius spends too much time with Obi-Wan..hahaha...
But being a Jedi is so much more than just not having sex and not being allowed to have any relationships whatsoever....Obi loves it! 
Though I can imagine that it might be torture to Sirius ;)....the precious hair...
You wrote it very clear with a good vocabulary...it's clear that you know what you're saying in English ;)....

*tickles Obi-Wan*


-----------------------------------


Gast




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare 
Author: Mrs Jessica Black 

Although I haven't seen any of the Star Wars films, I really liked it. 
Poor Sirius... No relationships, no hair, no rulebraking and no sex... Being a Jedi definately not something he would volunteer for...
The English was also really good. It was very easy to read and I really like that :)


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Sage
Title: Attracted to the magnet

Whaah, you can write! Absolutely lovely! 
I like the subtle sexual aspects... haha... 
In the beginning of your story, I thought that Lupin was quite OOC...
But I think you just have got another vision of my dear Lupin...  :P 

Please go on with your story!!!
You''re writing very good!


-----------------------------------


Gast




Titel: A Marauder Story; My Real Family
Author: MJB

Yay! You updated!
I really liked the last two chapters. The part I liked most, was when James and Peter were in the shop, with the unfriendly cashier. 
I also liked the Quidditch-part. And how did you think of all those names? Usuallly when I have to make up loads of names, I get stuck at 3 ^^"


-----------------------------------


Missy




Titel: A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
Author: MJB 

Finally, yay!

I didn't like the 14th chapter but that you shouldn't feel insulted by that, it's because of the quidditch game... I don't like it in the books either, so!
The last chapter, I did like... a very nice ending also for Mr. Black! Very nice wrighting indeed.


-----------------------------------


PixieFilth




Title: Black's Worst Nightmare
Author: MJB

Whaha! It's really funny. I don't really like SW, but the combination SW and HP (Sirius) is just fantastic. 
It's short and nice to read. And also pretty good writed.
And the moral of the story seems to be: Never look at Star Wars! XD

_
Title: It's All In The Family
Author: Jalf

Another short, funny story. And also about Sirius (and Narcissa!)
I really loved the dialogues (and the rude language ^__^)
This one is good writed, too. 


-----------------------------------


Jalf




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
By Mrs Jessica Black

Yes, again some lovely chapters. You did a very good job, keep on doing that! It's very nicely written and I don't see any typo's and stuff. 
I really liked the part where Peter's parents aks Remus to be some sort of a rolemodel for Peter, just because in that part Remus is so Remus-ish. Those little things like that make me like your story.

I also liked the part with the pop-corn and also the ending was very sweet. 

Well done! ;)


-----------------------------------


Rose




A young werewolve's eye
Sweet hermoine

A new chapter! I have to say that you're getting better and better! I think that you're very good at writing IC, and Snape is really brilliant! The fight is really exciting, and I can't wait for a new chapter! I can recomment this story to eceryone, because It's really good.


-----------------------------------


Missy




A Marauder Story; My Real Family (chapter 16)
By Mrs Jessica Black

I liked it, but I would have liked to know what they finally did with the popcorn  :D 
Very nice ending!


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





Tittle; The Sensetive Ronald
Writher; xFietjex

Reaction; It was a good begining. I really enjoy the last part. I love H/R shippers. ^^
So keep on writhing, you're very good!



-----------------------------------


Spinny




Could some members, or one at least, comment my Fic. 
Before I continue writing? Thank you.


-----------------------------------


Whitelighter1992




Did I tell you? (New Version)
Daphne_Potter

I liked the story and it was fun to read...
There was a good plot, but sometimes it went rather quick!

Love,
whitelighter1992


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





Hermione's Diary
- HarryPotterRulez

First I want to say, It's a originel idee.  :wink: No, It doesn't mater.
The first part was a little sad, because you write 'For the first time in my life I've got friends'. 
Maby you can write the next part something about Harry and Ron, in the diary?
Good luck! 



-----------------------------------


Daphne_Potter




Author: Mrs. Jessica Black
Title: A Marauder Story; My Real Family 

Hey,

I love this story. You can really live the person for yourself.
I'm a huge fan of Remus and I love every story about him, this story in particular!

Love,
Daphne


-----------------------------------


Rose




Author: Jalf Lupin
Title: Just not telling the truth...

You have such an amazing style of writing, you make me jalous  :oops:
But alright, about the story: I really enjoyed reading it, I think you are a very gifted writer. 
The story is very convincng and very realistic. It's a short story, that's to bad, because I would have love to read more. The characters are really IC, and especially Lupin really read like Lupin, and that isn't easy. 

I will read your other story's to, I'm  really curous about them.

(PS: I'm sorry for any mistakes or wrong grammar, but I'm not that good in writing Englisch)


-----------------------------------


roux'hot




poems
TomFeltonGirly

I think your poems are great.
a bit weird maybe but refreshing.
you should make some more I think

love roux'hot


-----------------------------------


Daphne_Potter




Title: Say it to me one more time
Author: LavenderBrown

I like the story very much, it is fun to read from Ginny's Point Of View...
I like how you tell the details of what happened by the lake and the reactions of Ginny's friend Suzie...
Please write a new chapter soon :)

Love,
Daphne


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Poems

Writer: Rayatje
Title: <None>

I loved you poem. It's so... pure!
And it's very sad... but lovely... I loved it!  :D 

---

Writer: Lijpeloena
Title: Music

Beautiful! I really... recognize the feeling you are discribing, allthough I do not exactly know what you are feeling (YEs. I am a strange girl  :P ).
But The grammar and spelling aren't really good, I have to be honest.
(What's the English word for ''spelling''?)


-----------------------------------


LavenderBrown




Autor: xFietjex
Title: The sensitive Ronald 


-----------------------------------


Charl0tte




I won't write on until I've gotten some replies.  :pet:


-----------------------------------


Daphne_Potter




Title: Confusing Thoughts of a Teenage Mind
Author: Charl0tte

Hey Charl0tte,

Here is your review you asked for...
I liked the story very much and it is funny to read that Malfoy lost his memory (I think that's so, right?)...
It is nice to read that Malfoy doesn't remember Harry and that he's scared of Pansy. 
Please write further on...

Love,
Daphne


-----------------------------------


lijpeloena




Poems



Writer: Lijpeloena
Title: Music

Beautiful! I really... recognize the feeling you are discribing, allthough I do not exactly know what you are feeling (YEs. I am a strange girl  :P ).
But The grammar and spelling aren't really good, I have to be honest.
(What's the English word for ''spelling''?)

thank you and I know that the grammer and yes I don't know either how you say it spelling not really good is I've to check it more carefully and things like that
I wrote it very fast and I don't read it again after that so I won't see the faults in it


-----------------------------------


Charl0tte




Title: Confusing Thoughts of a Teenage Mind
Author: Charl0tte

Hey Charl0tte,

Here is your review you asked for...
I liked the story very much and it is funny to read that Malfoy lost his memory (I think that's so, right?)...
It is nice to read that Malfoy doesn't remember Harry and that he's scared of Pansy. 
Please write further on...

Love,
DaphneOh wow yay! n__n

Now you're making me feel like I forced you to read it.  8) xD

<3


-----------------------------------


Daphne_Potter




Title: Confusing Thoughts of a Teenage Mind
Author: Charl0tte

Hey Charl0tte,

Here is your review you asked for...
I liked the story very much and it is funny to read that Malfoy lost his memory (I think that's so, right?)...
It is nice to read that Malfoy doesn't remember Harry and that he's scared of Pansy. 
Please write further on...

Love,
DaphneOh wow yay! n__n

Now you're making me feel like I forced you to read it.  8) xD

<3

You didn't, really!!

I read the story earlier then your post... But then I didn't review..
So after I read your post, I reviewed as well!

Love,
Daphne


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





Author; Tarantallegra
Title; At the darkest moment comes the light  
 
I like your story, because it reads quikly. You're very good in English fanfic, and I hope I can see more! And by the way, It is a good thing that your writing thoughts in this.


Sorry, If there are some mistakes in my reaction. [A]


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Poems

Author: Tarantallegra
Titles: *No Title* and ''Mirror''

Tarantallegra, I'm really impressed!
I loved your poems. Most of the time, 
I try to ryme just like you do, but you're doing much better than I do... ^^ 
Your poems are a bit fantasy-like and I like that very much.
I don't know how I can say more about your poems.
They're just... wonderful!


-----------------------------------


Lix




A Marauder Story; My Real Family 
by MJB 

Chapter 1

I've only read your first chapter, but I already know this is going to be an amazing story. I really like the way you write; you describe the feelings of the characters inconspicuously (not that it dominates the story but you just 'sneak' it into the story like JKR does) and your story is easy to read.

And it's a big plus that your english is flawless! 

Oh and luckily you didn't make Kreacher mumble nasty comments on Sirius, 'cause I've read some fanfics in which Kreacher does that and it just irritates me because it's just not realistic. 

Another big plus is that you really know the characters by heart. Some people like to change the personality of a character to fit with their own, I really hate it when people do that.

I'll read more of it when I get home. 


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Pottergirl
Title: Changes 

I hadn't saw this one yet before, so I started to read it.
It's REALLY sad! I can relate to Sirius... poor guy...  :( 
I think you did well. It's a good story. Your grammar and vocabulary are really good. 
So ehm... that was it.


-----------------------------------


Catie




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Title: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors

Just like the other story i've read, this one is just so funny ^^ The fights between Sirius and Regulus and counting who has did the most things. 

"You wanted more cookies?" he said. "Here, take mine." And he threw the piece of cookie into Regulus's hair. (Now you may think 'Geez, how childish', but please remember, our dear Sirius is only thirteen springs young here… And you can't deny you've once attacked someone with paper balls and found it highly amusing.) 
Regulus tried to ignore it. Thinking of nice little unicorns and sparkly Mary-go-rounds. He also ignored the second bit of cookie. But no eleven year old would stand a third piece of cookie going down his collar. So he turned around, looking quite angry. 
"Stop it!" 

I loved this. The piece with the little unicorns was great ^^ It was just funny! Also the other pieces were really good!

Curious to something new again ^^

Catie


-----------------------------------


Joep




1. author story: Mrs Jessica Black
2. title of story: Brothers or whatever..
3. your opinion + arguments: I really like this story. It's really with a lot of humor. I like the style she wrote this story. I like th idiot: Regulus, and Sirius. When you make the faces of Sirius in your own brain it's really funny..
I like this story, good job!

Greets, Joep.


-----------------------------------


BeeGee Kenobi




Author: Mrs Jessica Black 
Title: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors 

Brilliant story! You have a good sense of humor and are well informed with the characters, every move and thought fits with each character. I especially liked all the little remarks you make during the story telling..Mrs. Bi-Black and those kind of things...brilliant and it makes the story more lively..
I was listening to 'Those were the days' while reading the story, it added to the fun...
I surely hope you want to write more *cough* Weasley involved *cough*


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





Title: Real Love? 
Author: Karin

The last piece was good, but I think you're 'stretching' the story. Try to lets happends something exciting. A kiss, something totally unexpected, ... 

But I haven't discovered mistakes, and that's a good thing! Keep on writing, I like your story very much! 



-----------------------------------


Nevodeon




1. Author story: Mrs Jessica Black, aka MJB
2. Title of story: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors
3. Your opinion + Arguments: I think it's a brilliant story. Sirius was always the lowest on the piramide, and you show it here very good. The rivality between Regulus and Sirius is wonderfull. Also the things that come back. The score, a fight (Does, Doesn't, Does, Doesn't), the brother saying Shut up! at the same time.
I love your story Jessica. Please, write another one! I'M *** DESPERATE WITHOUT THEM! (not really, you silly girl, but it sounded nice, didn't it)


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





Title - Brother Love & Bedroom Doors
Author - Mrs Jessica Black

After I've read all the posetive reactions on your story, I decided to read it myself. And really I liked it very much! =)
You've allot of humor, and the fights are wonderfull defined! ^^ I really like the parts with the 'Does' and 'Doesn't'. Honestly sometimes I and my sister do the same. =.=
But back on the story, in one word; fantastic! I going to read all your stories now. 8) 



-----------------------------------


Pottergirl




Title: Brother Love And Bedroom Doors
Author: Mrs. Jessica Black
Well... I just don't know where to begin, to be honest ^^' Firstly, you have this amazing ability to know people through and through by just reading about their behaviour.
Second, you have a great sense of humor. And you also describe the rivalry between Regulus and Sirius very well.
And last, you just write in a very pleasant way. It's very easy to understand although it doesn't seem too simple (:

You're fictions are very, very good. I'll surely read your upcoming stories ^^


-----------------------------------


Gast




Title :: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors 
Author :: Mrs Jessica Black 


I already read it a while ago, but I forgot to review. *Lazy me* So I'll just do it now.

My first impression was: "Wow." I really like it. Especially the counting-thingy between Sirius and Regulus. It made me laugh out loud. The story about Sirius still living with his parents is supposed to be quite sad, but this story was really funny. I liked that. 

I'm looking forward to your next story. 


-----------------------------------


Remus J. Lupin




Author : Mrs Jessica Black
Title : Brother Love & Bedroom Doors
Argument : Very nice story, reads very easy and everything is beautifully formulated
You know I love story's that are about one of the young marauders hé 
Very nice job. My compliments


-----------------------------------


Malou




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Title: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors
Rofffle! I love it. It's very well written, In Character, and fun to read. I especially love the way you 'talk' to the reader. All those little notes in between.
And I love how you switch between Sirius' and Regulus' minds.

Keep up the spiffing work, I love fics like this one ^0^


-----------------------------------


Lix




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Title: A Marauder Story; My real family

Chapter 2
I like the way you describe that Sirius has this pressing feeling to get out of his house. The bathing-scene (which I, by the way, really liked because I tried to picture Sirius in a bath-tub and, boy, did I like it.) was a good method to portray these feelings.  
Again, your English is flawless and you give just enough details to let me form a perfect image of what the characters are doing.

Chapter 3
Lmao, I’m as bored as the shampoo in Snivellus’ cupboard. :P
You truly have a great sense of humour, Jessica. A_A 

Chapter 4
Vanity is something that suits Sirius perfectly and you WERE trying to show that he was a little vain, right? 
Anyway, another great chapter ^^. It’s funny how you make Sirius & James respond to Peters sucking up. Did Peter actually want to go alone with James or did he really just have one extra ticket? 
This chapter was especially a nice portrayal of SJ’s friendship. I hope I’ll read more of that, because it reminds me of the bond I once had with a good friend of mine. 

Chapter 5
Good thinking, to show Sirius’ disgust for Slytherin/his family by letting him dream about serpents. That ís what you try to show us, isn’t it? 
Well, anyway, I really loved the flirting in this chapter. :P
*Wishes she was one of those girls*

Anyhoo,

Sorry, I haven't read the whole story yet.. I have a limited computertime these days. But I'm gonna print the story now ^^


-----------------------------------


Rose




Name RPG: Auror RPG :D
Favourite scène: Well, I kind of love everything, but I especially like the tickling scene with Amanda and Micheal. And I also like The Marlin Files (A), those are sooo funny :)
Favourite character: I love each and every one of you, but ofcourse, ‘my’ Micheal is number one :P Also like sislons character, and Creative’s, and I loooove Owen, he’s such an asshole :P Or maybe he’s just misunderstood, isn’t he Fleur (LB)?
Remarks: I’m sorry if me and Beegee go so fast, can’t help it.....this RPG is the best one ever, and my first RPG fandom ^^


-----------------------------------


LavenderBrown




Name RPG: Auror Office RPG <3
Favourite scene: I liked the scene inside the house of the victim, and the fights between Sarah, Owen vs Michael ^^ And now I enjoy reading the Amanda/Michael about-to-become-sex-sequence. ^^
Favourite character: Michael (SBG), duh, and Sawyer (Pottergirl), Sarah (Creative) and Tali (COTOS). And Owen, to be honest with you Other comments: Omfg I'm one of the biggest AO fangirls in here, I'm at the highest point of my AO fandom!
Keep it going, fanboys and fangirls, AO is hot! Let's spam all over the reactiontopic and the RPG itself ^^


-----------------------------------


Pottergirl




Name RPG: Auror Office RPG
Favourite scene: Difficult to say. I think everything between Amanda and Michael, and... Well, actually everything with Michael in it Favourite character: I think that's clear. Michael. But of course, the rest is great, too ^^ Everybody's really into their characters and the interaction between the characters is also great. And funny.
Other comments: At first, the RPG was going a bit too fast for me personally. But now I'm really getting where I wanted to get, so it's getting better and better every post ^^ I love this RPG and I can express myself in a way I never could in Dutch RPG's.
Keep it going, AO'ers ^^

Edit by SBG: girl you make me blush!


-----------------------------------


BeeGee Kenobi




Name RPG: Auror Office RPG
Favourite Scene: Do I have to choose? That's impossible I like and love almost all scenes...I think it's absolutely brilliant that Sawyer gets his own exciting adventure! Sarah/Owen's brilliant, the whole green fingers is very well developed..C'mon there's not a boring scene in this RPG :P
Favourite Character: I like to fight with Sarah and Owen, they're both brilliant with arguments and swearings...I like to interact with Amanda (doh!) her played innocence ^^...My trainee is lovely to interact with..and all the other characters are brilliantly diverse!
Other Comments: Geeh, I could write five pages of other comments about the whole story, the characters, the fights, the love, the interaction, the mission...my evilness (a)...You all know how brilliant it is...I've never had a character I like so much as Michael at this moment...sexy beast!


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Misz Hermione
Title: A different way of life

I'm not sure what my opinion is... yet. You quote a lot from OotP and I can understand that, because it's a really interesting part of the book. Though I hope you will start to write more by yourself... I see that you're a good writer.

The actual idea is allright, and I wonder how this continious. On the other side, I really feel that this is quite ''impossible'', even in the HP world. It's a memory, so... The last thing, is that I do not understand how it actually happens (Harry & Lily talking to each other, though it's a memory).

So... I think it's a nice idea, but I hope you will write more by yourself.

---

Author: Nevodeon
Title: My life as a teenage werewolf

I like it. It's short, but it's good. You wake my intrest. 
Continiou!  :) 


-----------------------------------


lijpeloena




name rpg: both

I really like both rpg's the auror office most but that doesn't matter. It's just great I think to have a English rpg. and the persons who play in it are just great they do it sow great. they play so good. 
I just want to say go on like that I love it :wink: 


-----------------------------------


Caleb




Author: Rayatje
Title: Together, But so broken

After I had read the first chapter I knew that this was a great story. I really love the Harry/Ginny ship and I really hope that this Fanfic will have a long life. Rayatje, please write more soon!


-----------------------------------


Rayatje





@Caleb; ThQ for the reaction. ^^

Author; Miss_Moony
Title; Remus & Tonks

The Santa-piece I really liked. I love reading ships-stories, and your story is one of them. I hope you continue writing soon, because I loved your first chapter. <33 
I didn't see much of faults, so keep on writing. :D



-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Miss_moony
Title: Remus and Tonks

It's a very short part, so I cannot jugde, I think. Well... it sounds very happy and romantic. ^^
But one question is kept in my mind: when, and were?
How can Tonks and Lupin be together at Hogwarts (because of the Marauders-thing and Serverus)?

Author: Argetlam
Title: The way life goes

To be honest, I'm not really impressed...
I'm no fan of the Ginny/Harry ship, so that's difficult in the first place.
But I do not think you're a bad writer, not at all!
If you're plot is going to be good, you''ll write a good story, I 'suppose. 

Author: Miss_Moony
Title: Remus and Tonks

Chapter 2
Ah well, that explains much. ^^ 
I think you picked a strange scene... 
I mean... Bella? I think it's cruel in some way, because of Sirius.
I might get used to the idea that all the characters are at Hogwarts...
This is a strange review, I know, but I don't know what to think of it yet.


-----------------------------------


sislon




Author:Pottergirl
Title: Damage
I absolutely love your story, the first chapater is brilliant. I almost cried myself.. I can somehow just see them, lupos down, tonks sitting with him. You describe it so well I can feel and see everything. I'm absolutely reading your next chapter.. I wonder where you story started..


-----------------------------------


LavenderBrown




Author: Pottergirl
Title: Damage
Opinion:
You write really well and it's a nice story.

*snort*
AHHHHH <33333 Omg I knew you were gonna write Lupin's death, but omg it's so b-e-autiful! And it really made me cry. You describe every detail and you can feel the love 


-----------------------------------


Changetje




Author: Pottergirl 
Title: Damage 

Opinion:
Well, your stories are always pretty good, so I decided to take a look.
I'm actually not very fond of fics with a song that belongs to a totally different fandom, but you did it quite well. The lyrics do indeed match perfectly. 
You write and describe good, you can actually feel the atmosphere. Especially in the first chapter. I also like the second one, the lyrics and song are beautiful and match perfectly again.

So, keep up the good work and I'm looking forwards to see a third chapter ;)


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Pottergirl
Title: Damage

Now THAT is a good Lupin/Tonks story! 
I totally love Lupin so it was really emotional for me to read how he died.
You did very well, girl. 
Really Rowling-like, and you have a good vocabulary.
I'm curious for the 3rd chapter!

Edit: I just heard from Fleur that you are (like me) 16 years old.
Well, now I'm really jealous. You are so much better than I am.   :x  :D 


-----------------------------------


Sterretje




Titel; A different way of life
Author; misz-hermoine

You don't have very long posts, but I enjoy them, really. Sometimes people run out of inspiration, so it's difficult to write a big chapter. I don't blame you fot that.
In the beginning I found that there was too view of your own story in there. I liked the part were James is calling Harry a git, that's just wierd.
I look out to your next post. Sorry if I make some mistakes in my reaction, this is my first one.  :roll: 

-x-, Little Star.  :P 


-----------------------------------


Pottergirl




Title: Tonight Author: Changetje

Nice one (: I really liked your creative ship - at first I thought you were talking about Tonks. The lyric really fitted the fanfiction and it all blended together very well.

I have one single tiny small thing to critisize about - you have to be careful with the times you're writing in. I mean to say this; if you write the first sentence in the past perfect, you write the rest of the story in past perfect, too. I saw a few small mistakes in your story that had to do with times.

Anyways, very nice story, very beautiful. Strong, but also very fragile. I would encourage you to get on with your writing and post another One-Shot (or a longer story, that would be awesome) very soon (:


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Title: Tonight (One-Shot)
Author: Changetje

Pottergirl said a lot of things I agree with, so I don't have to say much. ^^
I thought you were talking about Tonks and Lupin too, 
but when I read ''brown curls''... I was really suprised!  :) 
(I have to admit I always thought that Hermione / Lupin would be good friends if they were from the same age, because they are both very bright, etc.) 

You wrote a good story. It's not perfect, but that's fine.
It's cool for me.  :D It's cute, small and touching.

---

EDIT:

Title: Damage
Author: Pottergirl

Chapter 4 and 5
A new comment, dear.  :wink: 
Though I don't know what to write. It's just good. And good. And good.
Cute and touching. And IC. The last chapter is very IC, especially the beginning.
If you'll write a book in this way, it must be published.


-----------------------------------


Snow White Queen




Title: Damage
Author: Pottergirl

Well, I already told you. That first chapter is really awesome ^^ You know what I did then... ^^" I can't get out of my words to describe how fantastic it is ^^
And FINALLY I read the whole story a couple of days ago. Like I promised. I didn't reread the first though ^^" It's so IC, I love it. Really, you describe everything so good, every thought, every feeling, everything they do... It's easy to understand Remus, to know what or how he feels.

I want more ^^"


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Pottergirl
Title: Damage

Chapter 6 and 7
So, I hope you started writing a book, eh? ^^
I still like the story. I think the last chapter was a bit... well, weird, because I do not know much about that Greg person.
Chapter 6 is very good in the end... it leaves me all silent and emotional.
Please, please go on. :-)


-----------------------------------


Missy




Author: MJB
Title: Brother Love & Bedroom Doors

I enjoyed the story very much... a lot of humor in it.
Had to think a lot of Gimli and Legolas. 
Nice work, Jessica!


-----------------------------------


Ailey




Author Pottergirl
Title Damage
Chapter 1, 2 and 3

I really enjoyed the story. The first chapter was really awesome! ^^ The second was brilliant and the third was great too! You describe everything so good, as if you are there. It's not hard to know how Remus is feeling, 'cause you know every feeling, every thought and everything they do. 
Yes, I love it =') 


-----------------------------------


Loes




Author Lily_flower
Title Falling for you
Chapter 1

I've just read the first chapter and I love it. I like the way you write en the words that you use are funny. You discribe James, Sirius and Remus exactly how they are. ( That's what I think:P )
Go on with writing. Now, i'm going to go to your topic. Reading the next chapter!

Edit:
I've read the whole story. AND I LOVE IT. The way you desribe them all. It's lovely. And Sirius, you desribe him so great. I love it.
BUT, i think there's to much kissing and that kind of things. There's no tension in it. And that's misery.


-----------------------------------


Ailey




Author: FelixdeFenis
Title: Lost words (Poem)

I really enjoyed your poem. The words are brilliant and everything is matching very well. But I had the feeling that your poem wasn't finished, as if there was missing a part, I can't really explain why. But further it was great! Well done! 


-----------------------------------


Sweet Hermione




Author: Shellwarrior
Title: First Encounter with a Toerag

A new story on the English topic, yay. : )

I have to be honest with you - I read better stories.
It is not bad, but I wasn't really impressed. 
I think you do have a good writing style, but I think that few things happened in the story. I do like your ending. It's cool. ^^


-----------------------------------


Wicked Sprout




Author: Shellwarrior 
Title: First Encounter with a Toerag
Chapter 1

A new writer ^^'' YAY! 

Umh I don't dislike your fanfiction, because I think you have talent. Maybe you can practice with the grammer, but I'm gonna be honnest about something. Sometimes it's a weird storyline. First she was home or something and suddenly she was going to Hogwarts. I would love it more, if you wouldn't make those big changes. Because you're going to quick with the storyline and that's not so much fun to read.

But just keep writing, I'm hoping to see your next part soon ^ __ ^


-----------------------------------


Lady Quiera




Author; Jarno
Title; Harry Potter and the Coming of Hope
Feedback;

I like your story! It's a good idea , letting Harry grow up not with the dursley's but in Japan instead. I like the storyline, but there was a small mistake; I guess you meant McGonnagal with Anderling.
The rest of your grammar is fine as far as I've seen, but I've got a habbit of not seeing grammar mistakes!

Hope you'll continue soon,
Lady Quiëra


-----------------------------------


Jarno




Thanks, I changed the mistake.


-----------------------------------


BlueFalcon




could someone plz react on my story harry potter and the hazy eyes cos i dont wanna wright more storys if no one tells me its a good or a bad story so plz ppl 




Thnx


-----------------------------------


Ailey




Author Pottergirl
Title Changes Feedback

Wow. It was so sad, but at the same time it was brilliant. It's not hard to read and your grammar and vocabulary are very good. 
You've chosen a nice part to write about. Also I wánted finish it before doing something else. 
Loved it!


-----------------------------------


Pottergirl




Author: Lady Quiera
Title: Poisonous Ally
Feedback:

I just read your story so far and I must say, it sounds interesting. The plot you've come up with, the wand-less magic and so forth, it really sounds promising, you could make a good story out of it.
But I also have some critizism. Your writing has a lot of spelling mistakes in it. A few examples:
'... screemed ...'
'... a peace of parchment ...'
'Hermione knodded, and packed her belongens.'
It's screamed, a piece of parchment, nodded and belongings.

I have seen many more, so I advise you to find a beta-reader. There's a special topic for beta-readers in this board, you could approach one of the people who said they would like to do it. Because it's a great story, but the spelling errors make it a little annoying to read.

I hope you can do something with my advise, and please keep writing! ^^


-----------------------------------


Catie




Author story:: 
Pottergirl
Title of story:: 
Unforgivable
Opinion::
I could scream and say it's bad, but Umbridge told that telling lies is bad :') I like it, but you have to tell me when you posted because I forget a lot XD But the story, I first didn't understand about what was happening in the prologue, but when they start digging in the ground I got it. I think it's a strong storyline, you can go any way on it, just watch on it that you're not going to do it on the FMA way completly, keep original or I will curse you XD I thought that the moment of telling who they wanted back was awesome, especially because of Evelyn.
The first chapter was okay, at least I know what everybody lost and I told you that it's stupid that someone already died XD And Evelyn is cute, with grabbing his hand so he won't lose one of them.

I think everyone should read this story :')


-----------------------------------


Joep




Author story::
Mrs. Jessica Black

Title of story::
Harry

Opinion::
rofl, it's perfect! I've never laughed that much about the Marauders. It's just wonderfull how you describe the emotions of Lily and James. James in panic but lovely to Lily too is just a perfect combination.

I expected a very good story, because I knew you were writing. But I never could think of this level.

It's just a perfect story!


-----------------------------------


Avana




Author: Mrs. Jessica Black
Title: Harry
Feedback First time I review an English story although I read many, many fic's but this was such a wonderfull story, I had to let you know.
It was funny how Lily obviously didn't want James to call Sirius so soon.
I loved the way you wrote Sirius although that shouldn't have been a surprise :D 
Sirius coming up with a name and James, so nervous were very funny.
And after Harry was born, that was so sweet and lovely. I almost cried and I haven't even done that during Deathly Hallow :) Guess I remembered giving birth myself.
Ow, and the stuffed animal was sooo cute!
Anyway, I'm certainly going to check on your other stories.

edit:
Author: Mrs. Jessica Black
Title: Brother love and Bedroom doors
Feedback As promised after reading 'Harry', I’ve read another one of your stories.
I’m not especially fond of stories from the Marauders era but I think you can change my mind :wink:
I think it’s a good story. The sarcastic thoughts of both brothers are very funny. Especially them counting points.
I love the title and I love the Shakespeare quote at the end. It’s very fitting.
This story explains rather well why Regulus would decide to join Voldemort. And that’s the only thing I missed in the end; something like ‘Years later …’ or ‘That’s why Regulus …’ Well, you can do that better but you get the idea :D


-----------------------------------


BeeGee Kenobi




Author story:: 
Mrs. Jessica Black 

Title of story:: 
Harry 

Opinion:: 
How can it be that you only got two reviews for this brilliant piece of writing?! People should read it and comment on it. I for one think it's brilliant. You picked such a crucial point in their lives to describe and you do it with a lot of flair! I always love reading your fanfiction, you put so much little things in them which you only notice if you really know the characters!
I think it's absolutely brilliant and you should get more reviews...*kicks people who don't review*


-----------------------------------


Addiie




Aw, don't kick me, BeeGee! That's really painful!^^

Author story:
Mrs. Jessica Black

Title of story:
Harry

Opinion:
Aw, Harry is so cute and Sirius is so incredibly funny! James is sweet, Lily too, of course. I like your story so much! Please write another, will you? I can't wait! :wink: 


-----------------------------------


miss_sweet




Author story: Mrs. Jessica Black 

Title of story: Harry


Opinion: Wow.. I have to comment on this story. It's really a great and sweet story. I wouldn't be surprised if this was how Harry actually was born. All the characters are IC. It's really a touching story, everything is explained well with the little details that make it more strong. I began to read and it was like you are watching the whole scene. Sirius is so funny and he's just magnificent, love him. And James is so adorable how he is so nervous and his talk with Sirius about the baby names :')

I read the whole story and in the end I was even a bit disappointd that it was the end. But I can say that the end was just perfect. I want to say much more, but it will all mean that this is a lovely story and whoever is reading this comment should certainly read this story.

Nice work, Mrs. Jessica Black! (: 


-----------------------------------


Nevodeon




Author; Jess (MJB)

Title; Harry [One Shot]

Opinion;
As I said on msn, I really liked your story. The dramatic sphere of Lily having a baby, mixed with the dry humour of Sirius. Bambi James Potter, I mean really *rofl*
It's a great story and I sure did have a laugh. You're a fantastic writer, but I already knew that, by reading your other story of Sirius and Regulus and your story about Sirius and Dumbledore (Geez, there sure is a lot about Sirius, innit..)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to your next story, and I wouldn't glare at you for using my name in it *puppy eyes*

Gerards,
Dan


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Glamorganagirl (Fleur)




Author: Mrs. Jessica Black
Title: Harry
Opinion: OMG, I love this story! Don't know what else to say! You could say I have no words for this. It's just amazing.. I really love the humour. Yay, you made me laugh with that book! *Grins* And there's a amazing atmosphere, just as in the HP-books. God, you're awesome! 

Can't wait 'till your next story!

And Daniël forced me to comment xD


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Sofie




Author: MJB
Title: Harry
Opinion: Well, I might as well throw another opinion in, don't I? (; I can't criticise or anything, because this story simply rocks! It's written very nicely and the idea of the story is very original - never read anything like this before (; Hm, err, what else can I say - the characters are very IC and everything is believable, there aren't things they wouldn't say or do. I love the romance between Lily and James, and the humouristic friendship between James and Sirius. I love the gift, so cute & original =D First thing I've ever read of you but I don't think it'll be the last *wink*


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Malou




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Title: Harry
Opinion: It's well written, just like all of your stories, and it's fun to read throughout the whole story. And like in your other stories, all the people are completely IC. I liked the fact that Sirius started making up ridiculous names, reminded me of our RPG, rofl. And the part when Harry was born was really touchy.
Good job, dear!


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Sofie




SPOILERS VOOR HP & DH!!!

Author: BeeGee Kenobi
Title: DH Missing Chapter
Opinion: As BG is obviously dying to get some crits/comments & MJB is not the only good writer here.. I'm not sure if there are really spoilers in my 'opinion'-part, but I might as well put it beneath spoiler tags just to be sure;

The house which had once been so full of life, seemed to have died along with Fred.

That's so beautifully formulated - this made me all *sobs* It's very true/IC, I can picture the Burrow without Fred.. Meeh!

Anyway's, you have a very cool style and this chapter is, as you already mentioned, exactly what had been missing in DH - so I have to say a 'Good job' to you. You use good words in the right sentences, it's very in character, the idea is cool, there aren't any mistakes (well, maybe there are, but i'm not able to correct any mistakes someone who's lived in Canade made), everything's just right =D It reads very easily and err, well, is that enough worshipping? - Kidding, I really mean everything I've said (; I'd like to read more of you sooo.. What are you waiting for? Go writing some more! * lolz that rhymes i'm so lame * 

Sorry for that. Cough.


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Avana




MAJOR SPOILERS BOOK 7

Author: BeeGee Kenobi
Title:The Missing Chapter
Feedback:This story truly IS the Missing chapter!
Although I haven't shed a tear throughout Deathly Hallow, I cried my eyes out with this story.
It's amazing and fits right in. Everyone is so IC. And the funeral ... *sobs again*
What more can I say? People should just print this and put it in book 7!


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Tarantallegra




Author: BeeGee Kenobi 
Title: DH Missing Chapter 

Spoilers for HP & the Deathly Hallows in this one, dearies!
Dear, dear, the part where George walks up to Fred's coffin actually made me cry! (= Good job on this one! I do agree something was kind of missing at the end of the final book, something like this. I love the way you portraited Harry, still hating Snape and all... it made me think about it and realise that truly forgiving him was probably not something Harry could ever do, pay respects, yes, truly and fully forgiving? No, I guess. You seem to have really thought about it all, all the characters are so I/C! I also like how you refer to the other HP books (for example, Mrs Weasleys' boggart). Your English is pretty much perfect and I hereby admit I'm dying to read some more of your work (;  Thank you for writing this. I truly enjoyed/loved it! *worships*  


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Sofie




COULD CONTAIN HP & DH SPOILERS!
Not sure if it will actually, but anyway.

LavenderBrown - Winter

Yeah, well. I hate you. You're too good - I don't want to like, do buttlicking/asskissing, but you are SO GOOD 

I'm glad we're keeping this board a little active! Keep the fanfics coming, everyone!

PS.@ people who might think this post is weird: I have already read the whole story uptil now, so that's why it's maybe not just the comment to the piece that has been posted. Just so you know (;


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princess__




Author : D@niel

Story: Early sunset and a pensieve [One-Shot]

Opinion: Really great story, I quit enjoyed it how you tell about his life & what happend.
Very original, I never read a story about this person.
Hope you'll make more!


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Justintime




Author: D@niel
Title: Early sunset and a pensieve

I like the story, Fenrir Greyback interests me and that's one of the reasons I like it. The way of writing is good, and I thought it was really sad for Greyback that his father hitted him.. How he grow up from an innocent child to a killing monster and put that in a story was a good idea I think ^^  Much more I haven't to say, accept it was a joy to read.


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FireBolt428




Author: D@niel 
Title: Early sunset and a pensieve

Excellent story, by which I mean, content more than interesting to read, although it's a FanFic, it's was very interesting to read background about one of the most intruiging of all (bad) Harry Potter characters. Descriptions of environments and feelings were very well written down, I think, and not too long, which keeps away the boredom ^^..Accent of Fenrir's father was also utterly amusing to read, by the way  :P 
So, in short: Very good story, very well written, keep up the good work  :P 

PS: Now satisfied, Daniël???!!!


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Mrs Jessica Black




Author: D@niel
Title: Early sunset and a pensieve

Hay Dan, I want you to know that I am delighted that you started writing. The fact you have the inspiration and patience for it shows you'll surely create more. Now, to the story.
I like it that you give your RPG role so much to think about. It deepens the character and really works on how to make someone IC. 
Your story and background really fit Greyback. He's a jerk and childhoods like that can really drive people to become the way they are.
But... I thinkyou tried to put too much in one story. The abuse can be made in a story itself, the biting of Remus is crucial and emotional and very interesting to lighten up from both persons. I think this 'one-shot' version does not give enough credit to your thoughts about it. I'm sure you can write seperate stories about each individual memory.
We also miss the total point of Greyback putting his memories in a Pensieve and then reliving them again. I really think you should have made it longer, with more details. But it's a good start as a writer and your English is good, though a BETA-read from someone wouldn't harm you.


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Jalf




Author: BeeGee Kenobi 
Title: The Missing Chapter  

This was good. The sadness from the chapter before. Information about interesting characters. A mournin process for the dead characters. Yes, this is what it should have been. I realy missed something like this in the book. I cried at the Burial-scene, poor George... Poor Andromeda... Poor everyone, actually... :( Yes... This is what it should have been. It was really thouching.
I also loved the IC-ness and the fact Harry had to help the Malfoy's in the end ^^  

Author: MJB
Title: Harry

A lovely little story. I like the part where James was all paniced, the part with the names (That's soooo Sirius.) and the part with the dear. 
You said you were afraid the story would be a little too boring, but believe me, it's not boring at all. The Characters are very IC and lovely, and even though I hardly ever read a James/Lily fic I really liked it. You did a good job :D

Author: D@niël
Title: Early sunset and a pensieve

Holy moly, this fic is dark. :o Well, that's to be expected with a main Character like Greyback. I really liked your fic. I mean: "Yay! Flash-back Fic."
Greyback was very IC (en a bit emo. :p) and I think Greyback's dad was a complete jerk. I also liked the "transfromatic" form the innocent boy to the beast he became.

-----------

To all these 3 writers I want to say, keep on the good work. You guys have talent. ;)


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Malou




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Story: Supernova
I think it's a very intense story, in a good way. It's very wellwritten, and as usual very in character and very realistic. 
I also think it's a good thing for yourself that you wrote this off of you, I can imagine it feels like a bit of a relief.
And again, your writing is just perfect.


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miss_sweet




Author: Mrs Jessica Black 
Story: Supernova 

Wow.. * silence * I really love your story! Really. It touched me. Every phrase is choosen carefully and I even wept reading it, and that doesn't happen often. It's written very beautiful and it's just perfect. Can't say nothing more about it. Keep on writing! 


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Nevodeon




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Story: Supernova

Fantastic story, just like the last one. Very realistic 'n stuff.
Nice to read a story about what happens on the other side of the curtain for once. That's different and very nice.

As Malou said, I can imagine it's a relief.. Keep on the good work.

Dan out.


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Missy




Author: Mrs Jessica Black
Story: Supernova

You really outdone yourself this time. Such great details and the storyline is well thought of, bravo!
I can really imagine that this is something J.K. herself could have written and that this is what really happend on 'the other side'.
And this so soon after 'Harry', I'm very happy to have read something of you so soon... thank you!

Missy


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Smoky




Author: Lavender Brown
Story: Winter Deathly hallows spoilers!
I am enjoying your story so much! I think it started out pretty interesting with the whole Malfoy/Hermione issue, and I'm eager to know how that will turn out. I think you captured all of the characters so well! You really did a good job on that. I think the part in Potter shopping plaza was hilarious! I loved the crazy sales woman. You discribe everything real good, for one, I loved the discription of Hermione's dress.
You do have a really good sense of humor, because I laughed out loud a lot while reading your story. And I felt so sorry for George, I'd like to give him a good old hug! I thought Hermione's 'You look handsome stranger' was so cute! *Squee* And I laughed so hard imagining Ron doing his Humble friend of Harry potter pose. Post again soon! *Fangirl scream* 


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Missy




Author: Nevodeon
Story: His Worst Mistake

I thought it was very well written and I couldn't find any spelling flaws, and I think that is so important. And I saw my name was again used in a fanfic, maybe accidental but very pleased to see my name again hee hee...

Keep up the very good work!!!


Missy


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Jalf




Author: MJB 
Story: Supernova

First of all, I love the title. It's a good thing you "saved" the title for this fic, cause it fits your fic perfectly.
The story itself is touching and very intresseting, especially because JKR didn't give us any information about what's behind the curtain and about the Afterlife in the Wizarding World. It was very moving to see Sirius cry. Sometimes a crying Sirius doesn't work in fics and makes him look like a Drama-Queen. In this story the crying worked. Well done.


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xMartine.




Smoky
Three Words
I think I like this fanfiction. I can't say it right now, because you only posted one part. But the way you describe things and things like that, I can see that I like it! I hope you post another part soon!
xx Martine


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Lady Quiera




Smoky 
Three Words 
----------------------------
It was not your title that got my attention, it was the comment from my upper neighbour in this topic that put me to reading your story. I generally don't like marauder stories that much, but I enjoyed yours quite well! So keep on writing and I'll keep reading!

p.s- it's animagi as its derived from Latin!


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Witch_Eva




Genner
These Words

Aww it's so cute that there's a FF about my favourite slash of all time. xD SQUEEE Luna/Eva :love: . I really love it. Its very cute that I'm in the story. (A) So the beginning is good. I'm really looking forward to the other chapters.  I want to know what will happen to Eva and Luna. xD


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Kevin.




Hippogriefje
The Love Battle

Yay, I really like your story xD Cho is very IC in this story and it's so her to try and blackmail Harry into finding another girlfriend. And I think it's so cute that Harry admitted his feelings for Hannah. I really think that this is a very interesting story and I would love to read the next chapters ^^


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xMartine.




The Love Battle
Hippogriefje

It's a kind of fanfiction I've never read before, but I like it very much! It's so sweet, how you describe the feelings that Harry get for Hannah. And now is Ernie hurting Harry, nice. :p
I'm looking forward to your next chapter!
xx Martine


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Rayatje





 Hippogriefje - The Love Battle
I like it! :D It's a very original fanfiction, I would have never could think of such an original subject. I don't think Cho is like that in the books, but reading another view on Cho is intresting. Cho is a real *beep* xD I love how you put down the enmity between Cho and Harry. I also think it's sweet how Harry falls in love with Hannah and how Ernie is trying to procect Hannah. Aww, poor Harry. *kicks Ernie* Your way of describing Harry's feelings is good. Keep on writing. : DD



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Sweet Hermione




Author: Elisabeth.
Title: My life so far

1. Your nickname is my second name. That's nice. ^^
2. Hm... About your story. I'm not really impressed. The subject isn't that original... but of course, I don't know what your plans are for the story.
And I don't like Ginny, but that's not your fault, of course.
You're allright with English, though. ( = So... Well that was my opinion.


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doke




The son of Dumbeldore
Genner

The story is AMAZING!
I really love it!
I hope you really, really, post fast. because I can heardly wait!

doke


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Elisabeth.




Son of Dumbledore - Genner

Liky liky! I like this story, so keep on writing.


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jilly-ann




author story: Pottergirl
title of story: Big Potter
your opinion + arguments: I think your FF is briliant. I really do. With Voldemort and all the other caracters who susposed to be dead. And Umbridge how's good know, yeah right. I don't buy it. I like Sirius <3. Er.. well let me think... what can I say more. Oh, I know! I hope there's coming more.


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Sweet Hermione




Author: Pottergirl
Title: Big Potter

I think you didn't knew this, but I have been a fan from the start! I read ''Big Potter'' when it was a Dutch fanfic. It was a while ago, but I never forgot about it. I am SO relieved you started this fanfic again! I hope you will write lots and lots and lots of this fanfic, 'cause I'm fond with your idea. I remember Voldemort with his Harry voodoo, which I think is the most funny and brilliant part ever xD You're going to do that again? xD

But well, uh, what to say? I love it already!
Especially Snape's part. But well, I love Snape. 
*points at own fanfic... yes peepz, I will finish it some day. xD*

Well.. go on! Write more! =D


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Loes




Autor; Elisabeth.
Title; My life so far, ginny weasleys story
Opinion;
I think it was a good start. You explained everthing very well:)
It reads very easy . And i'm sorry for my bad english. 
I'm looking forward to your new chapter. 
bye x


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Patricia




Author: MJB
Title: Halloween

I couldn't stop reading the first part. I really like the subject, and where it is heading. I'm allready feeling sorry for Sirius and Remus. James and Lily are very cute toghether, and I think you did a really interesting thing with Peter. It is really nice to know what happend to him in the year before. 
It could really be canon and I can't wait till you post the next part.


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Lix




The Diary
by Genner

Though you've only posted the prologue so far, I really like your writing style. I've always been one for long intro descriptions to set the mood anyway and I love it when writers have a nice big vocabulary. On top of that, I'm just curious on how everything after this chapter's going to be written. Are we f.e. going to read his actual diary or is it mixed with a restricted narrator? So, I'll be checking that topic regularly.


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Nevodeon




1. author story: Mrs. Jessica Black
2. title of story: Halloween
3. your opinion + arguments: I absolutely, no doubt, seriously, completely, totally loved the story. Srsly, you could write the next Potter books. Your writing style is so damn brilliant and very realistic. It pulls you right into the story, just like JKR's style, which is ofcourse a huge compliment ;)

The story gives a good view on the murder and everything around it. Very realistic and a super written story. I love you and your story.

Dan


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Lix




The Diary
by Genner

I almost begin to feel sorry for the spoiled brat. Nice parallel of the lives of Draco and Harry. Up until now it's not really the story that draws me, though it does create some suspense on my part, but mainly your writing style. Except for a few minor grammar mistakes, it's written in such a pleasant way. Well, I've already gone into that, but I just wanted to underline it..
Also, I know it's very difficult to write a H/D story. You have to present them at least a little IC, but the fact that they fall for each other /seems/ really unlikely. So you have to change some little things in their personalities as the story evolves. I think you're doing OK on that so far, as long as you don't rush things. 
And personally I think the diary is a great way of showing that change in personality.  


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Lix




Supernova
by Mrs Jessica Black

This just brought tears to my eyes. It reminded my of Sirius' death and it's just such beautiful one-shot. Thank you for writing this. Though I can't stop wondering, who's there waiting for him? It might be obvious.. Still, I love open endings, leaving a lot to imagination.. 


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Lix




The Diary
by Genner

And now I'm really intrigued by the story. I had to check on my breathing in that last part, as I was really taken by the tension between Harry and Draco. I want more! I want more!  


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Joep




1. Author Story: Mrs Jessica Black
2. Title of Story: Halloween
3. Your Opinion + Arguments: Dear Jessica, I loved it! Your new fanfiction is a great success and absolutely perfect! I really like your style of writing and so I really like your fanfictions. Your English is perfect (well, d'oh!).

When can we read another fanfiction? :D

Short note. I'm sorry for my late comments.


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Evanderia Protser




Author Story: Mrs Jessica Black 
Title of Story: Halloween 
Your Opinion + Arguments: I liked it very much! Most of the time I don't read english story's, becaude my Englisch isn't very well... But your English is perfect to read and understand!



 
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Bericht: 90


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